I don't know if I understand this correctly, but I think it means "sometimes I think it would be better if you didn't exist and then I realize that there's no one better than you." Is that what it means?

Uly++

Thank you 😊

здесь игра слов, которую по-английски передать непросто

Yeah, I noticed that, that's a tough one.

I think Uly rendered it well with "better" in two parts of the sentence

That was my intent, but it doesn't convey the same wit of the original Russian.

большое спасибо ❤